Monthly Archives: June 2016

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Long Distance Relationship

This piece was originally published by Skirt Collective at www.skirtcollective.com.

I recently received a kind e-mail thanking me for this article and requesting more on the subject. While I’m not an expert, I am happy to republish my insights with the hope to help other couples make love work despite distance.

Long distance relationships suck. There, I said it.

 

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Chesapeake Bay

It sucks to check your phone every five minutes. It sucks to spend Saturday with a book while your boyfriend is at a party 3000 miles away. It sucks trying to find someone to see “Gone Girl” with because all of your friends already saw it with their significant others. It sucks to stare at a pixilated face on a screen instead of a flesh and blood, kissable person.

When your partner is hundreds or thousands of miles away every aspect of your relationship is trickier – communication, trust, fights, sex. My boyfriend and I have been battling the distance for the better part of three years. Like many twenty-something’s we are nomads, moving where our jobs, family obligations, or travel adventures carry us.

Unfortunately, despite our efforts, our lives often carry us to different corners of the U.S. During the past three years we have become accidental experts on long distance relationships and the trials they bring. We’ve fought, we’ve lived together, we’ve moved away from each other, we’ve planned, and we’ve been disappointed. We’ve said goodbye and reunited more times and in more places than I can count – in airports, strip malls, the side of the highway, front porches, and urban street corners.

Long distance relationships may bring a fair amount of suckiness, but they also bring wisdom. The lessons I’ve learned about love, live, and myself during these three years (and counting) of distance have been hard won but valuable – not just for my long distance relationship, but for any relationship.

Continue reading How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Long Distance Relationship

Baby’s First Migraine Attacks, Diagnosis, & Migraine Genetics

A flash of nostalgia came over me as I picked up the yellow towel on the couch and hung it up. I remembered my nephew flinging it aside last night the moment he got out of the bath, his long hair dripping on his small, cold shoulders. I saw the same image two nights ago when we planted in his garden after his bath. He seems impervious to the cold and intent on getting dirty, too excited to put on a shirt before grabbing his small yellow hoe. We had meant to plant during the afternoon of course, but my sister, his mom, is a self proclaimed hater of the wind and the palm trees in Southern California have been extra vocal this week.

The author and her sister as wee children

My head throbs now when I hold the yellow towel just as it did when I watched his dear shoulders guide the yellow hoe through a path in his garden. I don’t notice too much. It isn’t too bright or loud, and every day I am learning to be calmer and gentler with myself.

I am trying to be patient with my body, giving it the time and space it needs to heal, and making an effort to enjoy every moment spent with my family.

My shoulders were even smaller than my six-year-old-nephew’s are now when I experienced my first migraine attack. I was three years old and just recovering from a nasty bout with the chicken pox when I experienced excruciating nausea and head pain. To this day I remember not wanting to watch Beauty and the Beast because the television hurt my eyes and how that fact scared me. At that period in my life, like so many budding bookworms in the early 90s, it was a serious emergency if I was too sick to watch Belle tell off Gaston.

I Now Pronounce You Diagnosed

Once I vomited (my greatest fear at that young time) the pain subsided a bit and I was able to sleep, but the attacks were not over. I experienced two more in the following weeks which meant a trip to Dr. Dias, my favorite pediatrician, a gentle Indian man with soft hands and incredibly blue eyes.

The author with her sister at age three and a half - the age migraines began
The author with her sister at age three and a half – the age migraines began

I have heard my mother tell the story of my toddler migraine attacks to a several neurologists and doctors over the years, and she always includes the exchange:

Mom: Please don’t tell me she has migraines.

Dr. Dias: I’ll tell you these aren’t migraines, but they are migraines.

I now pronounce you diagnosed.

I don’t remember much about being three but most of it revolved around the back yard and my little sister and playing in the sprinklers. It’s easy as an adult to conjure up feelings of goodwill, love, and empathy alongside an image your toddler self. When you picture your young self ill or frightened  the desire to comfort is strong and natural. But as we get older, thanks to society or nature or both, that desire fades and sacrificing our health for success, money, convenience, the happiness of others, fill-in-the-blank, is the norm. Whether you’re stuck inside with a chronic illness 23 hours a day or just doing what you need to do to make your day a little easier, each of us could benefit from looking in on that young self every once in a while.

Thinking back to simpler sick days is a helpful reminder to take care of myself with love and… Click To Tweet

Continue reading Baby’s First Migraine Attacks, Diagnosis, & Migraine Genetics

Head Uphill and Leave Your Pain Behind

Long must you suffer, not knowing what,
Until suddenly, from a piece of fruit hatefully bitten,
The taste of the suffering enters you.
And then you already almost love what you savor. No one
Will talk it out of you again.
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Even after a brief stay at elevation the air on the coast feels impossibly thick. The city streets seem too wide, the sky not blue enough, the horizon too far away. It doesn’t take long for the mountains to get under your skin. After only a few hours at elevation your blood thickens and your body produces more red blood cells. You become more efficient at using oxygen so that even this thin air feels more nourishing than her coastal cousin.

I was away less than two weeks this time, but it was long enough for me to reconnect to places and people that I love and miss and also meet and discover new ones. It was long enough for me to feel the freshly melted snow carry my hair downstream. It was long enough to sweat, climb, and bleed in the early summer sun. It was long enough to reawaken muscles and corners of my body and soul that have too long been ignored. It was long enough for me to remember what it feels like to be healthy again.

The Tuolumne River
The Tuolumne River

During the 12 days I spent in the Eastern Sierra I had four migraines. Each of those migraines lasted less than twenty four hours, not including the postdrome stage (also known as the migraine hangover.) To some this may seem like a lot, but compared to the baseline of daily, constant migraine that was my reality for way too many months, it is remarkable. Even just a day – an afternoon – of respite from pain is celebrated. You cannot truly appreciate the feeling of the sun on your skin until you have experienced true darkness.

Continue reading Head Uphill and Leave Your Pain Behind

Rule Your Headache Disorder

Happy Migraine and Headache Awareness Month 2016!
This is my first year participating in this campaign and I am thrilled that the theme chosen for this year’s awareness month focuses on living well with migraines rather than solely awareness aimed at the general public. This year’s theme is Rule Your Headache Disorder with a special message to be actively engaged in your treatment and lifestyle choices. Like many migrainuers, I know from experience that ignoring my headache disorder, letting my doctor call the shots, or slacking off with lifestyle modifications can very quickly lead to a situation where I feel out of control. Alternatively, learning about migraines, keeping communication open with my doctor, and continuing my commitment to lifestyle modifications puts me in a position to best rule my headache disorder.

Combat Pain with Creativity

One of my coloring creations
One of my coloring creations

Active engagement in our treatment plan extends far beyond the doctor’s office, just as the tentacles of migraines disease reach far beyond our own bodies. Each and every migrainuer is different and experiences migraines differently, but diet, sleep, exercise, and, my favorite, stress management are all important pieces of the management puzzle. Keeping stress at a minimum is crucial both between and during migraine attacks, but it is difficult to say the least, especially when you are dealing with severe pain and nausea.

One of the best and most fun ways to combat pain and relieve stress is through the creative process.  Coloring, cooking, walking, reading, writing, painting, photographing, birding, listening to music… Any tasks that involves focus and imagination quiets down the part of the brain that controls stress, the amygdala, and causes a stress-relieving response throughout the entire body.

“Fostering imagination as an adult is one of the most meaningful things to do for your mental health,especially if you are dealing with the high levels of stress that comes with chronic pain. Illnesses changes lives, abilities, and perspectives, and creative activities help tap into a deeper part of ourselves. It is precisely the creative and playful part of ourselves that we need to connect most to in order to process the experience of pain and best cope with it.”

To read more about combating pain with creativity, please check out my recent article for the Peace Naturals Project.

A special thank you goes out to Teri Robert for her work with Healthcentral for Migraine and Headache Awareness Month. Be sure to wear purple all month to show your support and keep your eyes open for headache and migraine hashtags on social media.